Britney Spears terrorizes elementary schools

Britney Spears caused an incident at a Beverly Hills elementary school when she was spotted outside smoking and talking to herself, according to Us Magazine:

“She was just rambling and confused,” says the witness, who approached Spears to ask if she was OK. “She said, ‘I’m here to pick up my kids.’ But then she changed her story and said, ‘They aren’t my kids; I have a new attorney, and I came to pick them up for her.’”

At this point the kids were being let out and the sight of Britney Spears naturally terrified the little tykes:

“It became the talk of the school. Some of the kids were freaked out,” says a school source. She was directed to a more secure entrance around back.
But before getting into her car and driving off (without any children), she chatted up the female witness: “She said, ‘You’re so nice. You should give me your number. I don’t have very many friends.’"

Either Britney Spears is now trying to kidnap random children or her lawyer is stupendously fucking retarded. Who the hell sends Britney to pick up their children? You’d be better off finding a pack of stray dogs and letting them sniff your kid’s hat. Of course, my lazy dad didn’t have much luck with this method. I was always biting the neighbors on account of the rabies, and they never did find my brother Jeffy.... But then again, Britney Spears, I dunno. Can't you just buy the kids guns?