Mena Suvari Butt Squeezing Moments

Mena Suvari (American Beauty) is enjoying a vacation in Miami with her boyfriend Simone Sestito (Eh?). I'm puzzled as just to where in the hell Mena got that ass from. I thought she was a midget. Does she live under power lines or something? Or, no, I got it: She was bitten by a radioactive Kim Kardashian. Yes, of course, that seems more likely. *strokes beard* I should be a doctor. Wait, I don't have a beard oh God Cindy I'm sorry. Uh, how's my favorite HR gal doing today? Still competing in the lumberjack games I'm getting sued aren't I? Fantastic.